Narcissistic Abuse Coaching: Reclaiming Yourself

What is Narcissistic Abuse?

Despite having become a social media buzzword, Narcissistic Abuse remains one of the most common yet least acknowledged forms of abuse which without fail has a detrimental and life-altering impact on the survivor’s mental health and quality of life.  Narcissistic abuse is a form of emotional and psychological harm inflicted by someone with narcissistic traits. It involves manipulation, gaslighting, and control tactics designed to undermine the victim's self-esteem and autonomy, often alternating between praise and criticism to maintain power and dominance.

I remember all too well when I was struggling in the aftermath of narcissistic abuse myself. Stuck in a loop. And no matter how much knowledge I gained and how much I cognitively understood what had happened to me, I was just not feeling better. I went to counselling every week for months to no avail. Then I accidentally stumbled upon The Coaching Academy’s free Introduction to Life Coaching event, which unbeknownst to me at the time would firmly put me on a fast track of personal transformation and change my life completely.

How does coaching make a difference?

When experiencing narcissistic abuse the following happens:

1: We are stuck in the past and obsess about narcissists

Coaching is not about the talking but the doing. It’s practical and forward looking. It wasn’t about analysing what had happened over and over again but instead equipped me with practical tools to move forward. It instantly helped me to shift my focus away from what had happened to me and my abuser but onto myself and my well-being. As a result, I felt empowered and in control, and rather than resigning to feeling sorry for myself, I started to make life happen.

Always remember, “Energy flows where the attention goes”!

2: We lose everything we thought we were

Coaching helps to start exploring limiting beliefs, thought patterns and blocks that keep us stuck. In combination with Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) it allowed me to hold onto all the things I liked about myself (and there was in fact plenty to like!), while letting go of everything that didn’t serve me any longer.  As a result, today I’m leading my most authentic and unapologetic life.

3: We are all alone in the darkest time of our lives

Coaching helped me feel supported and not alone. My coach provided me with a safe, respectful and non-judgmental environment. And while everyone else didn’t seem to get me at all, he always had my back. He held my goal for me when I couldn’t and kept my eyes on the ball. Having this kind of support is invaluable. Without my own coach (who I still work with today) I would not have the life I live today, and I will be forever grateful.

In recent years Narcissistic Abuse has received exponentially increased attention, and many survivors are now embarking on their coaching journey, with the intention of using their experience to help others. And while this intention is a noble one, it is important to understand that working with trauma is highly complex.

Narcissistic abuse survivors will exhibit a whole range of mental health challenges including but not limited to anxiety, depression, difficult to control emotions, erratic and self-destructive behaviour and even suicidal ideation. Narcissistic Abuse Recovery is not a walk in the park.

So, what does it really take to become a Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coach to safely facilitate the healing?

• Do your OWN deep healing work - It’s easy to focus on helping others but it’s most important to do our own deep healing work first. To be able to hold space for other survivors without getting triggered yourselves, it is vital to weed out your own garden. Also always remember, you can only ever take someone as far as you have gone yourself.
• Gain an in-depth understanding of trauma and trauma-responses - Trauma is complex and working with traumatised people is very different from working with life coaching or business coaching clients. Traumatised clients are unpredictable. To keep yourself and your clients safe it is of utmost importance you have a deep understanding of trauma and trauma responses. 
• Get additional specialist training - Just because you have experienced narcissistic abuse does not equip or qualify you to work with other survivors. Not having appropriate training and effective tools that allow the client to regulate their emotional well-being during and in between sessions puts you and your client in danger. A coaching qualification in itself is not sufficient, so please ensure you take further specialist training.
• Have a solid selfcare routine - If you are a narcissistic abuse survivor yourself, selfcare is probably something that doesn’t come naturally to you. Now is the time to learn it. Without taking care of your own well-being you will not be able to provide a safe and transformational space for your clients. If you are unwell, you can’t do your job. Just like on the airplane, working with trauma means you always need to put your oxygen mask on first
• Let go of your Ego - Facilitating transformation and making a huge difference to your client’s life can make you feel rather special and powerful. Some of your clients will also credit you for all the changes. Please always remember that all you do is provide someone with the guidance and tools they need to do what THEY need to do. Your client is the one who puts the actual work in. It’s not about you. In Narcissistic Abuse Recovery there is no place for Ego.

Narcissistic Abuse is one of the most complex, trendy and current topics of our time. Support and guidance are much needed, but it's important it's done in a safe and healthy way. 

If you would like to learn more Narcissistic Abuse and Narcissistic Abuse Coaching, you can watch the replay of our insightful Coaching Conversations discussion on the topic with Ronia and Sharon Lawton (TCA Head of Training) - visit The Coaching Academy's YouTube Channel to watch “Reclaiming Personal Power” today.

[Disclaimer: Please note that Narcissistic Abuse results in complex trauma on the deepest level, which at times can exhibit severe mental health challenges (cPTSD). Coaching is only suitable at the later stages of the healing process. Do not coach a client during the acute stages of their recovery journey without having completed sufficient training in suitable trauma intervention modalities but refer them to a qualified professional instead.]

  About Author:

Ronia Fraser is Coaching Academy graduate and a multi-award-winning Trauma Recovery Coach & Clinical Hypnotherapist and one of the world-leading experts in the field of Narcissistic Abuse Recovery. She is also an internationally published author of “Me, Myself & I - Your A-Z to finding back to YOU after Narcissistic Abuse”, globally renowned speaker and a survivor of narcissistic abuse herself. Ronia was the UK’s first Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coach back in 2017, Protégé Coach at TCA and winner of the International Coach of the Year Award 2019.