Some of you may remember that back in February, Darren Lawrence and Matt Barnes-Smith joined our Head of Training, Sharon Lawton, for Coaching Conversations, our monthly dose of positivity and discussion of all things coaching! Darren and Matt shared with us some really interesting insights into men’s health, and many of you were so passionate about the topic that we decided to deep dive into coaching and men’s health by interviewing Matt and Darren for Men’s Health Week!
Read on to hear from Matt and Darren, and how coaching can support men to improve their health and wellbeing.
Matt: My background is in construction project management, and I worked with multiple international companies for around 8 years after graduating from university. The desire to change my career path was reinforced after I completed my Life Coaching Diploma and NLP Practitioner qualification with The Coaching Academy in 2017. Initially, I intended to apply these skills back into construction, but that little intuitive voice that you can't ignore, led me to retrain as a youth worker and establish coaching spaces for young people. Around the same time, I also received training as a facilitator with a charity that engages in conversations about masculinities with boys and men in high schools and universities. I have also collaborated with other CICs and charities to develop, implement, and provide training to people that focus on topics related to diversity, inclusion, equality and well-being in a range of settings, from community to corporate. I am a certified yoga instructor and a member of the Coaching in Education team. Aside from all of this, I’m usually found outdoors somewhere!
Darren: I grew up in Essex and Hertfordshire and became interested in football at an early age. I studied for a sports degree and have worked in sport for over 25 years in a variety of roles in national organisations such as Sport England and The Football Association. What I realised after a few years was that my love of football was matched by a passion for developing people and helping them achieve their potential. More recently I have been self-employed as a sports consultant, coach (qualifying with The Coaching Academy in 2017) and mental health first aider supporting organisations and individuals to plan a positive future and work out how to get there.
Matt: When working with men and boys in this field, common themes that arise are the challenges of feeling safe to express their difficulties due to the fear of being perceived as weak. Performance anxiety is a common issue among athletes, as is the challenge of balancing their lives off the field. I have also had numerous conversations with sports teams about how stereotypes and societal pressures on men to conform to certain behaviours are amplified in sporting environments, often manifested in "lad" type behaviour. When this is named, I would say every person has felt uncomfortable with these characteristics and behaviours being associated with them as individuals, and highlights the importance of talking about peer pressure, gender stereotypes and inclusive spaces in groups so they can be collectively addressed.
Darren: A common theme with people that have been so focused on their sport, and their performance, (and understandably so) is that they have almost become institutionalised within the sport itself and need help in re-engaging with the outside world. Their role or position in sport has been a huge part of their identity, and who they are, how they see themselves, and so dealing with that change and loss of that identity to create a new one is often challenging for them. They often have self-assurance, self-belief and self-confidence in their abilities on the pitch, court or in the arena, but outside of this their confidence can be quite fragile.
Matt: I personally have many things that I implement in my life to promote my mental health. For example, I prioritise exercise, maintain a balanced and nutritious diet, practice good sleep hygiene, spend time in nature, and find joy and creative expression. Unfortunately, stereotypes around success, going it alone, stoicism, and hierarchy, which are often associated with men, can harm the level of vulnerability, intimacy, and connection that fuel our relationships, lives, and ultimately our mental health and sense of self.
Darren: It will be different for all of us. I would say find what is right for you and what works, for me personally, it is maintaining meaningful relationships and taking part in meaningful activities. Also I think at a basic level having people that I can talk to, doing exercise, eating well and getting enough sleep. Physical health and mental health are equally important. Maintaining both is not always easy and the balance is not always right but being aware of them is the main thing, and then making small adjustments if needed.
Matt: The misconception that boys and men do not have feelings, have everything figured out, and do not require help. Some men believe that seeking support for their health and wellbeing is a sign of weakness or diminishes their masculinity. This is all tied up in a misguided belief that there is a "correct" way to express masculinity, which leaves no room for individuals who do not conform to narrow and sometimes harmful stereotypes. This is even more nuanced when we consider intersections with race, culture, sexuality, class, and religion. However, at its core, it is about enabling boys and men to feel free and empowered to express their identity.
Darren: A big misconception I’ve come across is that that men don’t want to talk about how they’re feeling, what’s troubling them, or their lives in general. I think things are changing. In my experience it is true that many men don’t do this naturally necessarily, but it is not through a lack of willingness or need, more a lack of opportunity, know-how, feeling they have permission and being comfortable enough to do so with the right person.
Matt: Absolutely. I believe that as humans, we are naturally inclined to resist change. This resistance can be further amplified by concerns about how others will perceive the changes being made, ultimately leading to higher levels of resistance. Unfortunately, men can often resist change to the point where their coping mechanisms become chronically unhealthy and overshadow their true selves.
Darren: I believe the only person who can change your life is you. Generally if people have reached out and decided to have coaching they are open to change and want to make it happen for themselves. However I have worked with a small number of clients who say they want to make changes, at the end of the session we summarise the actions they will do, and when it comes to the next session they have not made progress. Then it is about looking at why this might be and the kind of support they might benefit from to make the changes they’ve identified.
Matt: I feel fortunate to provide a space where boys and men can relieve the pressure to conform and express their true selves and perspectives on the world. In this type of environment, amazing things happen. The biggest impact I see is the development of trust, inner leadership, wonder, and humility in the individuals I work with. These qualities then translate into conscious actions and behaviours.
Darren: Due to the empowering nature of coaching, it fits very well with mental wellbeing as an intervention, and puts people in the driving seat of their own lives.
One of my clients,works in the e-commerce sector and was experiencing a busy and stressful period, with some challenges around their line management structure. Through the coaching sessions we undertook, and through him taking positive action, he credits those sessions as significantly changing his life for the better, both personally and professionally.
Matt: Starting is definitely the hardest part, but the good news is that you can't go wrong with any starting point. Taking any form of action, no matter how small, can often increase awareness of desired improvements and provide insight into methods of achieving them.
Darren: For me, happiness is an inside job. Being ok with yourself and in yourself requires you to take some time looking inwardly, and really know yourself – what makes you tick, what makes you happy, what are your values? If you can live a life aligned to your values you are likely to experience less stress. Thank you so much Darren and Matt, we appreciate you taking the time to share your expertise and experience with us!
I am sure you would agree the insight from Darren & Matt is very valuable, thank you both for sharing your knowledge on Men's Health & Wellbeing and expertise in coaching with us.
If you feel inspired and would like to find out more about training to become a coach to help support people to improve their lives, then you can join our free Introduction to Life Coaching webinar - book your place today!
For more information on Men's Health Week please visit: Men's Health Forum (menshealthforum.org.uk)
Bios:-
Matt is a Coach & Mentor (Emerge Support) for young men and boys, and workshop facilitator, helping individuals and groups to unpack how masculinities shape our communities, relationships and sense of self. Matt is part of The Coaching Academy training team, delivering the Coaching In Education Diploma, focussing on the application of coaching young people. He is also a trained Youth Worker, Green Project Manager and Consultant, and has worked in multiple private and public organisations, charities and CIC's, leading and collaborating individuals and groups to manage change, growth and empowerment.
Darren is a self employed Consultant and Coach (Front Foot Coaching) working in sport, and is particularly focused on issues surrounding change and transition. He has worked for organisations including Sport England and The FA and has experienced a number of personal and professional changes such as redundancy, divorce and parenthood, with two children. Darren is a Mental Health First Aider and believes that everyone is capable of coming through change positively.
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