The last couple of years have been tough for many of us and it has been termed by the journalist and author Oliver Burkeman as ‘a time of acute collective anxiety.’ No sooner did it appear that the Covid-19 pandemic might be easing, than another global crisis appeared in the shape of Russia’s military advances into Ukraine.
Add to this the omnipresent concerns about climate change and energy prices, this has been and continues to be a worrying time for many.
As someone who takes a keen interest in world news and current affairs, I will admit that all of this has at times been a distraction from my work and everyday activities. It is very easy for current ‘macro’ events to dominate our thoughts and take over our lives, which can put us in a depressed mood and sparking bouts of anxiety.
This month is Stress Awareness Month and as coaches a big part of our role is to empower people, the starting point for being able to do this effectively and successfully is ourselves. Managing ourselves and particularly our emotional state is very important for our well-being, stress-levels and for us to be at our best.
If we are feeling distracted or upset this is likely to be detected by clients and it will ‘bleed’ into our coaching sessions, meaning that the quality of everything suffers – our motivation, attention, being present, our ability to listen, respond and ask effective questions.
To help with this I have turned to a phrase that I heard many years ago – ‘control the controllables’!
‘Control the Controllables’
One of the inspirations for this blog came from a colleague who, when recently giving me a lift to the train station and faced with gridlocked traffic in central London said: ‘I can get myself worked up about it, but I can’t control it or change it, so what’s the point?’ Trying to change things that are beyond our control leads to a great deal of stress, and is ultimately futile! Remembering this has helped me to deal with the current situation and has greatly improved my mood and well-being.
At first this may appear to be self-defeating or giving up. But what you are actually doing is empowering yourself. As therapist Amanda Stuckey Dodson says, ‘once you stop wasting your time on what you can’t control, you are free to work on what you can change.’
We can’t control the big things such as war or a pandemic, and we certainly can’t control the actions of other people, but, as Viktor Frankl said in his book Man’s Search for Meaning, we can control our own attitude.
How to ‘Control the Controllables’
A practical application of how to do this would be to firstly:-
Now take a piece of paper and from List 1, think about what is the most important for you to do something about right now?
Write down the first step is, and when will you do it? Taking action is a great way to feel mentally strong and enhances positivity and motivation.
From List 3, decide how important these things are for you to do right now. What will make the most difference, who do you need to speak to, what can you do, and when will you do this? Again write this down.
List 2 should be discarded. You can’t do anything about these things, or even influence them! If you have made a physical written list you could even rip it up list 2 or throw it away. How does that feel now, to know you can forget about these things?
Take Control of Your Own Situation
We are all human, and at times experience a range of emotions, worries and challenges. However, as coaches and leaders we need to find ways of being in the best possible mindset to be able to support those around us and our clients.
Focusing in on those aspects of our lives that we do genuinely have control over can provide us with more constructive thoughts and feelings, and to be better prepared and motivated to create the positive difference we all want to make.
Darren Lawrence is one of The Coaching Academy’s course managers and diploma graduates. Darren recently set up Front Foot Coaching to help people improve their productivity, achieve better wellbeing, navigate change and the issues faced in midlife.
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